Bill Powelson's
School of Drums
* BASS PLAYER (and drummer) JOKES *
BASS PLAYER JOKES
It just seems natural that drummers should poke a little fun at
Bass players, since they have at lot of laughs at our expense . . .
- 1.Q: What's the difference between a bass and a trampoline?
- A: You take off your shoes to jump on the trampoline.
- 2.Q: Why don't bass players ever catch a cold?
- A: Even a virus has some pride.
- 3.Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
- A: Never mind. The piano player can do it with his left hand.
- 4.Q: What's the first thing a bass player says when he knocks on your door?
- A: "Pizza!"
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
A scientific expedition disembarks from its plane at the final
outpost of civilization in the deepest Amazon rain forest. They
immediately notice the ceaseless thrumming of native drums. As they
venture further into the bush, the drums never stop, day or night,
for weeks.
The lead scientist asks one of the natives about this,
and the native's only reply is "Drums good. Drums never stop. Very
BAD if drums stop."
The drumming continues, night and day, until one
night, six weeks into the trip, when the jungle is suddenly silent.
Immediately the natives run screaming from their huts, covering their
ears. The scientists grab one boy and demand "What is it? The
drums have stopped!"
The terror-stricken youth replies "Yes!
Drums stop! VERY BAD!"
The scientists ask "Why? Why? What will happen?"
Wild-eyed, the boy responds,
" . . . BASS SOLO!!!" -
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
There was a poor ragged bass guitarist panhandling
for spare change on a street corner. One day someone came by
and threw a brass lamp into his guitar case.
Upon rubbing the
lamp, a genie appeared and offered the bass player three wishes.
"I wish I was a better musician", said the bass man. Next thing
he knew he was in a band that was cutting its first CD and
had a loyal following.
He was pretty happy, but he wanted
more. "I wish I was an even better musician", said the
bassist. Before long he was playing on an extended world
tour in front of tens of thousands of adoring fans. He was
ecstatic, but he wanted even more.
"Genie", he said, "make
me an even BETTER musician!" Poof! He found himself
standing on his old street corner . . . playing drums.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
A couple, who's relationship was on the rocks, went to a
marriage counselor who could not get them to discuss
anything. The communication block was so heavy that
nothing he suggested could make them open up and talk.
Finally after several sessions of non-communication, the
counselor stands up, walks to the corner of the room and
produces a bass guitar. He brings it to the couple, plugs it
into a small practice amp and begins to play fervently.
Gradually their barriers break down and they begin to
discuss their problems and little things that always bothered
them that they never felt encouraged to bring up before.
At the end of the session, they were smiling and laughing
just like old times.
They paid their bill and before leaving, the couple asked the
counselor, "What did you do? How did that song help make
everything work out?"
He answered simply, "Everybody talks during the bass solo."
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Q- What's the difference between a bass guitarist and God?
A- God doesn't think he's a bass guitarist.
Q- How do you get a bass player to stop playing?
A- Put a sheet of music in front of him.
Q- What do a vacuum cleaner and an bass guitar have in
common?
A- Both suck when you plug them in.
Q- How many bass players does it take to change a light
bulb?
A- None--they just steal somebody else's light.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Hot Duck
A bass player walks into a bar to see everyone crowded
about a table watching a little show. On the table was an
upside down pot and a duck tap-dancing on it. The bass
player was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck
from its owner. After some wheelin' and dealin' they
settled for $10000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the bass player runs back to the bar
in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before
a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" . . . asked the ducks former owner, "did you
remember to light the candle under the pot?"
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
A guy walks into a bar with a little yellow
long-nosed, short-legged dog under his arm.
"That's one ugly dog", says a bass player,
while petting his Doberman.
"Heh",says the guy, "but he's a mean little
devil."
"That so?", says the bass player, "I'll bet
$20 my Doberman will whip yours in less than two minutes!"
The guy agrees and they put their dogs face to face.
Each gives the command to attack. In the twinkling of an eye the
little yellow dog bites the Doberman in half. The bass player (Doberman's owner)
is crying and cussing, and screams "What kind of dog is
this?"
"Well" says the guy, "before I cut off his tail
and painted him yellow he was an alligator."
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
International copyright secured @ Bill Powelson 1994 all rights reserved.
